Feeling: I am VERY confused about this right now. I SHOULD be feeling really happy, but I'm actually feeling really grouchy.
Listening to:Lain's Theme from SEL
Thinking of: What I should do to keep myself from getting bored today. *sighs*
Wishing for: SOMETHING TO DO!!
Chatting with: For some reason, I despise chatting these days. Its so pointless... so nobody.

Well, EXAMS OVER!! And I know I should be extremely happy and totally buoyant but its so weird... I'm not. Its not like I'm sad because exams ended... NO WAY!! Its just like I've been like this really grouchy, cranky, grumpy fart around everybody in the family today. And I can't understand why. Also, I'm sick of the Net because I have nothing to do! I mean uptill the exams ended, I knew what to do but now, its like I have so much free time and I don't know what to do with it. Its irritating. So, I've decided to just answer some tests if I can find them. ^.^



Okay *grins*, and the FIRST test I took didn't really give me a very flattering answer. But, what's wrong with being a royal pain? I mean, that doesn't bother me right? And anyways, its probably the mood I am in anyways. *grouch*


What? Is there something wrong with me today? I mean... I thought I'd fall into the super-villain category but obviously I don't have what it takes. *sticks her tongue out*

And Faith had all these quotes on everything and nothing and I really liked it, so I'm just going to jot some down.
It's been a rough day.. I put a shirt on and a button fell off. Picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
There is a thin, red line between eccentricity and insanity. That thin red line is a tiny pink dot to me.
Power corrupts, but absolute power is kinda neat.
9 out of 10 voices in my head agree that I'm sane.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
I do whatever the voices tell me to. It depends on who yells the loudest.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder.
National Schizophrenic's Convention: Anybody who's everybody will be there!
Criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
I feel that there is an angel inside me whom I am constantly shocking.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Oh and I picked up all these cool insults which I just might work up the courage to say to a few people someday ^_^:
I think someone has to be listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
You look like shit. Is that in style now?
Wait... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
Well this day was a total waste of make-up.

Cool ne? And for a despondent villain, they're PERFECT! *grins widely* Well, this day's turning out way better than I thought it would. I mean I've already read up on a few insults, I've taken a few tests which classifies me as completely and purely anti-social... FUN!! Oh okay, I've got to go to the club today, so maybe I'll try some of these insults on Morphine. ^_^

P.S. - I was just talking to Kayleena and OH MY GOD!! And I don't mean this in a 'Janice' happy way. Okay, she got married 2 months back... at least that's what I thought. Anyways, it seems they just had the ceremony then in America but they were supposed to get the actual license and really get married on September 27th. And so they did. And I talked to Kayleena today and okay, I still can't believe it... she's pregnant!! Eight weeks!! I mean... c'mon! They like JUST got married... you can't just have a baby so soon. I mean, these are firangees we're talking about. They're probably going to get divorced in another month or so! And she's only 20 and we all know that all she does is run Harry Potter RPGs. I mean... seriously. I plan to be a part of Harry Potter RPGs till I'm 68 to but I'm not going to JUST do that. Kayleena treats that as a real job. And Thom (her husband *rolls her eyes*) has a mind of a thirteen year old too. I mean look at their history. They met on the RPG, virtually obviously, and then they get married. BUT, grins sheepishly* I really liked the names Kayleena's thought of. Which makes me think maybe the kid has a chance after all even after being raised by such obviously loopy parents. Kieran if its a boy and Kennedy if its a girl which is really cute. And maybe I'm just being really pessimistic. Maybe, they do have a chance. Well, hope so anyways. *crosses her fingers*

Feeling: VERY sleepy. Drawing Bio diagrams can really tire you out.
Listening to: That Thing You Do by The Wonders *drumroll*
Thinking of: How my life's kinda got boring lately. Its like I get up everyday, do the same things, go back to bed, then get up again... I'm like where does all this lead finally?
Wishing for: A knight in shining armour. *bursts out laughing* That looks SO funny on the screen. I'm really loopy right now, so don't take anything I say seriously.
Chatting with: Nobody. Well, I've set my status to offline, so I can see who logs on and decide whether I want to talk to him/her or not. Manipulative ne? *evil grin*

Well, yesterday Scary Movie II got downloaded and by the way, I'd downloaded it because I thought it was like a really funny parody about scary movies. Boy, was I wrong. That movie is the grossest movie I've EVER seen... it leaves American Pie waay behind and I mean... what's the point? It was totally disgusting and it wasn't even porn... it was simple gross, ugly, disgusting no-sense typical American crap. And that's all I've got to say about that. I can't BELIEVE I wasted my drive space and my time on that shit.

Okay, so now that's done, and I have nothing else to do, let me just sign off. But no... this is too small an entry. *scouts around looking for things to write about* Oh yes, got one. Well, Morphine and me were talking about Junky's "crush" today and we both agree on this one. I've always felt that Junky's carefully nurtured the idea of being different from all of us... in some small way or the other. It might be natural her being different, I don't think so though. I still think she's trying too hard. As for her "crush", well, the truth is, I just think Junky's really confused. I mean, she might just like her, but take it to mean something totally different and she's probably blown that so out of proportion that she's started believing it herself. I don't know, but I really think that if a person is a lesbian, you understand without being told, like you understand when you see some guy checking you out. Its an instinct and being the intelligent, instinctive girl I am, I'm totally convinced Junky isn't a lesbian... okay maybe not totally, but 65%... definitely. ^_^

I was listening to Viva! today and their songs are definitely catchy. The lyrics are pretty dumb (I mean they sound too forced) but the music in most of the songs is fast and overall okay. But I still don't like Viva! - the group, because they just get spruced up a bit, and sing songs that others have penned the lyrics to and others have written the music for. Unless they make their own album next time, I'm not buying it. So, that's one consumer less. BIG LOSS! ^.^

ALSO, I was reading the Calvin and Hobbes - Tenth Anniversary Book (AGAIN!) and I was thinking, if I ever get over my fear of cats, I'm going to keep one for a pet and call him/her Hobbes. :) Not original, I know, but I just love the idea and Hobbes' (if he existed) would so have been the ideal pet for me. Like Watterson said, Hobbes is based on this seventeenth century theologian who had a dim view of human nature and I'd love to have a pet named after him. Plus, I'm like Calvin in the way, that I don't exactly believe in predestination, but I'd like to. Okay, I'm sure everybody would like to believe that they were born to be famous... so nah! I'm not like Calvin that much... but who cares? If I get a cat, she/he is going to be named Hobbes! So there. Oh but since I don't think I'm going to get over my cat-phobia thingy, I'd better start thinking up names for a dog. As soon as I have an apartment of my own, I'm getting a cocker spaniel. I decided that a LONG while back. Or maybe a Spitz. I dunno... I guess I have to give this a certain amout of thought. *sighs* I hate thinking.

Feeling: Pretty good about myself actually. Surprise!
Listening to: Age of Loneliness by Engima
Thinking of: Nothing really. This and that.
Wishing for: DEFINITELY not a Scooty anymore after what just happened. Right now, I just want to get good marks on the exams... and transport to tutions. I can't cycle there anymore... too tiring.
Chatting with: Nobody. Actually, I'm kinda bored of chatting and the Net in general so the phone is the the only way I'm going to be talking to anybody. Plus, Gorky's usually online and I can't remember whether I've blocked him or not.

Yes, today I'm actually really content with life. Well, yeah, I AM taking a death test but that's just because I'm bored. Actually, the Net has been boring me a lot these days. That's why I don't attend the RPG anymore. I haven't officially quit but since I haven't been attending for more than a month, that could be interpreted as unofficially quitting. Oh and before I get to why I'm content with life, let me just brief my chocolatey journal on the small little incident just after my birthday which made me cry. Yup! CRY!! What's wrong with me these days? Its like the hormones have gone on this rampage or something. Anyways, here's the deal. It was Saturday the 14th. Doesn't sound as creepy as Friday the 13th but hey! I didn't decide the day. Well, anyways, it was after the Maths extra class and Shimmer very graciously offered me her Scooty to drive... which I did. So, then... it happpened. I skidded on some rocks and the Scooty fell. Obviously, so did I but it was the Scooty I was more worried about. There was this uncle who hurried over (which was pretty nice of him) but I didn't like him one bit right then coz' he was going on spouting all these corny lines like life's more precious and nothing happened to you and the Scooty doesn't matter and crap like that. And I was just looking at Shimmer. Of course she didn't say anything, but you should have seen her face. I was just so crushed then. I mean I got these small scrapes and everything but that didn't matter. I broke Shimmer's brake... I mean not really. I chipped off the brake handle... but still. Also, her headlights got slightly cracked. JEEZ!! I mean, WHY did it have to happen with me? So, I went and explained everything to her mom but I felt so damn shitty. so when I came home, I cried for like an hour straight and then when my mom came back home, I started crying again. It was like, I turned 16 just yesterday and then I had to do this. I mean, I couldn't even be careful. It was actually my fault... I was going too fast while turning, DUMB ME! But anyways, things like this actually make you re-evaluate yourself. And this doesn't mean I'm never going to drive again... it just means that I'm not going to be all smug and everything when I drive again. But now, I don't really want a Scooty. I mean, I don't feel ready anyways.

Okay, enough of the sad stuff. Now, let's talk about all the good stuff that happened to me. Oh yes, I know I couldn't keep the promise that I'd update regularly, like on alternate days. iMesh has actually been taking so much of my time. I've been watching Friends over and over. PLUS, Serial Experiments Lain might be really slow and everything, but I like the story. Plus the artwork is fabulous. And its not like those anime series that you see and forget... you always remember it. Anyways, I've almost finished downloading it. I've watched 8 episodes and I have 5 more to go. The 9th and 10th one are downloading right now. Also, Junky's been downloading some movies, so I'll see those when I get the time. I told her to download About A Boy which should be good. Also, I think I'm going to download Scary Movie because I love parodies. ^_^

Oh and I forgot. I was going to brief my journal about the good stuff that's been happening. Well, I've been on this winning spree. Firstly, the web-design thingy. Junky and me won that!! Which I think is a pretty big thing because that was inter-school and everything and that was the only thing our school won. PLUS, we came second overall. RV was before us with 24 points or something. Oh and our pictures came in the paper and I looked TOTALLY bloated. Well, this just shows that I'm not photogenic. Anyways, the next thing was the inter-school computer fest. We had the debate in that and guess what? I got the BEST SPEAKER!! I mean I was pretty freaked because you know me... making up the speech in the last hour before going on stage. I was totally shocked but extremely happy too. ^_^ Oh and I got a trophy for that... YAY!! Also, there was the problem solving thing which I don't claim any credit for. I mean it was all Trish and some Divya and some me. I mean our group won, but I didn't do too much... but we still won!! Anyways, the shitty thing was that one person had to go up and collect the medal and certificate and even though my name was in the end, the stupid bum called me, so even though I didn't do much, I was the one to go on stage and get my medal and certificate. Divya and Trish haven't got their certificates yet and that sucks! Especially because I hate taking credit for what others have done. So, I;m not too happy about the last ones but I'm happy about the web-design and the debate thingies. ^_^ Also, the medal that Convent gave us for problem solving sucks... Loyola's medals are SO much better. :)

Anything else? NOTHING!! Oh yes, the exams are a few days away and I promise, this time I'm going to start preparing before-hand. Plus, we have these BIG breaks like the first exams are on the 27th and then the next ones are on the 4th and THEN the remaining are on the 7th onwards. So, lots of time to study. Oh and this time, I'm going to try extra hard for Chemistry. Randy said that I can't go about doing what I do in other subjects with Chemistry. She said I just need to spend some time on the subject and totally memorize the equations and that's the only thing that's going to help me. She might be right... anyways, I've tried understanding Chemistry and it doesn't work. So, this time, I'll just have to work hard for it. The other subjects are fine... Chemistry needs to be done WELL. Well, all the decisions are made... they just need to be implemented.

P.S. - The Death test results are in AND I'm expected to die on August 3rd, 2064 at the age of 77 years. Pretty cool huh? Oh and it says its a 31% chance that it'll be Cancer. ^.^ Sad right? Oh and I took this 'How Dateable Are You?' test which said I'm 55% dateable and that is SO not accurate... because all the questions were like American questions where everybody is supposed to have had sex before reaching the age of 14. Well, anyways, like I care. I'm EXTREMELY dateable. :)

Feeling: REALLY guilty
Listening to: Crash and Burn by Savage Garden
Thinking of: Being called abnormal and a mental hazard in front of the entire school.
Wishing for: It was a Scooty till a few days back but now, I'm kinda over that because I don't really think I should get one. I mean, firstly I haven't really done anything to deserve it and secondly, I don't really need one as of now. So let's just change my wish to me being able to disembowel sister without any complications arising later such as being hanged and so on and so forth.
Chatting with: Xandox and Shea. I remember yesterday I was chatting to FIVE people on MSN simultaneously and I almost went crazy. Among these five, there were Christina and Shea who type EXTREMELY fast. So no more chatting to too many people together.

Okay, so remember the grey and depressed sort of layout? Well that didn't work out, so I just went back to one of Blogger's pre-designed ones. Its easier than to go look for new stuff. Plus, getting stuff from Blogplates needs a lot of customizing and last time I tried to, it didn't work leading to the pretty fast termination of the grey and depressed sort of layout. Anyways, this one is called 'Sandbox at Night' because the designer's imagination was probably working overtime or something. Okay, enough about the layout. Nice topic, but I can't go on for ever.

Oh and a very possible misunderstanding that could arise from the starting headings could be that I'm feeling REALLY guilty BECAUSE I was publicly denounced in the assembly. Nothing of the sort because that's impossible. Like a small thing like that is going to make me feel guilty and all that crap. No, why I AM guilty is that its been more than a month since I posted here last. So, let's make a new start. Today's the 2nd of September so from now on, I'm going to be really regular. Maybe not TOO regular like no daily updates because I won't have so much to report anyways. But, I'll try to make it alternate or at worse, two days later. Scouts Honour! Or maybe since I'm a girl and a past Guide, Guides Honour would be more appropriate. But that sounds dumb. Oh and yes, the very grammatically correct way of writing today is because I feel like it so no use commenting. By the way, how many people read this thing anyways? Probably none, because I haven't given anyone the URL. But I don't really care because this journal was made for one and one purpose only... to make me laugh later when I looked at it twenty years from now so I don't give a damn as to how many clicks this page gets. But maybe I should get a counter all the same... you know... just for the knowledge. *sheepish grin*

Oh okay, going on to the next thing... the publicly denounced story. Well, it went something like this. A week back, sister had written on a cloth backboard in chalk that 'students were not allowed to meet the teachers outside the staff room'. Well, needless to say, this was the most irritating rule ever because all these teachers tell us to call them for this, that and the other and then they give us all these duties and so we need to meet them. So anyways, no one was about but it was Junky, Xandox and me standing outside just generally and I just rubbed off the 'not' from the message. And well... I didn't think about it anymore because what's the big deal about rubbing off a small little 'not'. But obviously, stupid sister doesn't share my liberal sentiments. She had to bring the matter up in the assembly and say that whoever did that 'despicable' act was 'abnormal' and 'mentally deranged' and she continued for a long while about how the culprit would be dismissed if she ever found out who it was... which I think is extremely unlikely because I'm hardly going to go down and confess now am I? Plus, everybody in the 10th std. knows anyways and they don't give a damn so sister can go take her stupid threats and go drown herself. I don't know why she hasn't already. Anyways, I'm going to be REALLY glad when she leaves.

Anyways, I read the last entry in the blog and I was on the topic of Scootys. So let's just continue shall we? Okay, NEWSFLASH - Junky got a Spirit! And DUH! I was jealous like hell for the first few days, actually first week and then I started pestering my dad and he said fine, he actually did. But today, I was thinking about it and seriously! I don't really think I need a Scooty as such right now. And I'm getting it anyways after ICSE and I really think I need to actually deserve it and right now, I'm not really doing anything much so I'm going to hold off. Plus, I don't really want one just because Junky has it... that's dumb and so immature. And if there's one thing, I DON'T want to be, that's immature.

EEK!! Its almost 11:00 and its a wonder my dad hasn't started screaming yet. But I can see it coming. So, quick, what else? Okay, I have to go for this computer fest thing, Junky and me for web-designing. Its on the 8th and we're supposed to be designing a web-page on a city that we're supposed to guide a tourist through. Trust the Loyoleans to come up with a stupid topic like that. I feel like sticking out my tongue and going YAA!! and stuff. Yes, not very mature, I know, but at times like this, I can make exceptions. ^_^ Oh and Shea is like the sweetest elf who ever traversed the woods of Lothlorien. I'll return to this comparison later. First listen to what she did. Actually, she told me about iMesh which seems to allow you to download Japanese anime episodes off the net, including pictures and songs too!! She has MADE my day and given me the BEST birthday present two weeks early! Oh and as for the comparison, she plans to go in elven garb on the first day her school re-opens. ^_^ I wonder why we can't do that kinda stuff here. Actually, we're getting specially made T-shirts for our batch which I helped design... I mean saying what the slogan was, so there's my input in our class T-shirt. YAY!! We plan to wear this on Teacher's Day. Let's see how that goes. My English teacher seems to despise me... FUNNY! Usually, I get along with all English teachers pretty well. >_< Anyways, like I expected, baba started screaming, so I guess I've got to go to bed right now. *yawns* I'm pretty sleepy anyways.

Feeling: Not very original
Listening to: Papercut by Linkin Park
Thinking of: Actually, not really thinking. Cursing Blogger. It takes an hour for it to show the edited page. Jeez!
Wishing for: More money and a host! Actually that wouldn't do me a lot of good unless I get familiar with FTP and stuff.
Chatting with: Junky... periodically. I'm actually trying to set the new design up!

Well, so I FINALLY got myself a more grey... depressed sort of a layout. I don't know why because I'm not really very depressed today. Today was fun actually. Well, anyways the layout first. Let me get the cribbing over with first. Okay, firstly, Blogger sucks, secondly, Blogger sucks some more and thirdly, Blogger sucks more than it could EVER suck. I mean, okay, there are some things we can get used to... like it suddenly conking out when we've written this LONG entry and conking out when I don't particularly want it to, but the last straw is it NEVER refreshing and that's what its doing now... especially when its really important for me to see how the new thing's turned out after I made those small code-corrections. And I don't have the brains to figure out Greymatter and neither does Geocities provide FTP anymore! The entire Net system is so commercialized and complicated it sucks!

Okay, *grins* now to the happier stuff! Today I learnt to ride a SCOOTY! Actually it was not learnt at all... start kiye aur bas... there's nothing to it. Of course the Kinetic is another thing altogether! I almost fell off with ND behind me and ND got all freaked out and said her standard dialogue, you know the mammi bahut maregi one. >.< But anyways, THEN Dipika came along and she gave me her Scooty which was just SO nice of her and I pressed the button, shuru ho gaya and that's it. After that its a breeze. Then I rode Surabhi's and THEN Dipika's again and THEN Surabhi's again and Swati's too! And YAY! So much fun. Now I just need to ride Shukla's Saffire... Xandox rode it when I had gone up to the library which is SO not fair... so I'll have to pester Shukla over and over and over again till she lets me. Yeah... like that's going to happen easily. X.X

Okay, stupid gym time again. And since I haven't been going for two days now, I have this bad pain in my leg and all up my back. AARGH! I hate going to the gym like this. But of course I have no choice... stupid world.

Feeling: Like I can't do anything right.
Listening to: Nothing... but there's this huge drumming noise in my head. Does that count?
Thinking of: How everytime I decide to do something, I end up not doing it.
Wishing for: I don't know... I guess I just really want to be an adult.
Chatting with: I can't believe no one's online. The one day I want to chat and no one's there.

What's it been? Almost a month right? *sighs* Well, yes I don't have an excuse this time. Our exams got over on the 5th and I've just been hanging around since then. I joined this other RPG to keep myself busy and then I quit because I couldn't find time out for HOW and that's what's most important to me right now. We're in the process of rebuilding the site and I've been pretty busy with that. Because of that, I haven't even been studying... I atleast used to complete my homework previously... now I don't even feel like doing that. Couple that with the fact that I got such pathetic marks in Chemistry and I feel so totally worthless. I couldn't believe it when I saw the paper... I've never got such pathetic marks ever. i mean, yes its easy to say... maybe you can't memorize everything so easily... but the truth is I didn't study. I didn't study one bit except for two of the simplest chapters. Its a miracle I passed and even after all that, here I am... sitting in front of this stupid screen trying to make sense of something that is so irrational. Why can't I make myself sit down to study anyways? It isn't that tough for other people and all I want to do is go on to college, find something I want to do and do something for myself for once. But how can I do all that if I don't do what the stupid education system wants? And it doesn't even matter. Even though I'm pouring out all this, I know it won't affect me.

My parents have been pretty understanding about my marks for some reason and they told me not to get worked up about them. And I hate having to pretend to study when I'm not and I hate deceiving everybody... and all I do about all this is say I'm weak, accept it and then go about doing everything I hate about myself. I'm going to be sixteen so and I don't even remember what that should mean anymore. Isn't being sixteen all about responsibility and knowing how to handle it? Well, I don't think I'm even close to that yet. Anyways, since there's no use talking about it, I'm not going to. But its time I started thinking about it... so maybe tonight I'm going to start making some decisions.

Oh crap! I ALMOST forgot and I can't believe how I did because its supposed to be a red-letter day and everything. Well, this just means that the stupid thing didn't last for more than a day but I still got it! Okay, here's the deal. You know how I've been cribbing about being almost sixteen and not having a CRUSH yet. Well, all that changed this Friday... or the Friday that's passed. I remember I was pretty freaked that day but that guy was so cute. And he was with this girl... who looked old enough to be his mom anyways but I know she wasn't. Anyways, he's probably 21 or 22... according to Dalila and there it was... a tingly feeling in my stomach and then I kept staring at him all through. He probably realized because he and the girl kept turning around and staring at our group! Well, anyways... Junky's a pretty good friend so she went up to him and asked him his name and everybody else laughed, but I thought it was a pretty cute name. KHUSHRU! Yes, sounds slightly girly I know, but that doesn't prove anything. And he had on loose baggy pants and this cool cap type thing which I thought was so cute. They call that cap something, only its slipped my mind. Like I care anyways... I got my first crush! It didn't last long... but I still got it. And Dalila the big bum went up and asked Ryan for the guy's number because we'd seen him talking to Ryan and she used my name! AARGH! But, she was pretty nice about it and atleast she went up and asked him. And I don't care if the guy finds out or not. He should be pretty flattered. Xandox's idea of cheering me up was pretty weird. She said very seriously that I should cheer up because the guy would leave the girl and come running to me. And you know what the funny thing was? I didn't know if she was joking or not. I mean I automatically assumed she was because well... its her and the thing was so impossible but she looked so serious about it. Anyways, I think our entire group needs to consult a shrink. Poor shrink! I pity him already. ^.^

*does a little jig* And that last paragraph suddenly cheered me up SO much. I always thought I was above the teenage mood-swings crap. Guess I'm not. *does another jig* But my FIRST crush... when I'm almost 16. I can so totally hear Tithi's superficial, boring voice going - How disgraceful! For those who don't know this, Tithi or Shohini (I'm not using any pseudos here because well I'll be glad if a stalker stalks her) is my hep, mordern and oh-so sexy cousin who lives in Delhi. She basically looks down on me, my clothes, everything I do, everything I say. I'd like to say I don't give a damn but well... I do. And she's so goddamn spoilt. I mean she's in college and she stays at home. She's hardly made any friends at her college. Instead she's stuck to that elite group of classmates in school. Phooey! I mean if I got a chance to go to college right now, I'd go mainly for the hostels and living away from my parents. But for her, being independent is so totally drab. *shakes her head* Oh confession time! I actually admired her when I was around 13 and going on 14. I never copied her but I thought she was pretty cool. Its funny how perspectives change. Now I just think she's a spoilt, rich bitch... oh an airhead as well. Wait, you know those stereotypical cheerleaders in American movies, that's HER!

Wow! Its funny how bitching about somebody makes me feel so good. Maybe I should do this everyday. Oh, Beth was getting suicidal thoughts a while back and most of us were really worried. She asked us to write to her and help her and that really worried me because sure, I've suicidal thoughts as well... but I've never appealed for help like that. So, I wrote whatever I could think of and I suck at writing such stuff and she didn't reply. So I got REALLY worried now and I rushed over to her journal and I don't know what to think. The only thing she's written is one small entry that she was at her friend's place and so, she could not write in detail from there. I'm worried... worried... worried. I've e-mailed her, but she hasn't replied... and I think I already said this before. And of course I can't do anything because I'm living in the other side of the world you know. And I hate that sometimes. Not that I'd like to settle in America because well... I've been there once and I think everybody pretty much knows that I didn't exactly love it there. *sighs* Well, I just hope I'm working myself up unnecessarily and Beth's totally fine. I really, really hope that's the case.

Feeling: Oh my God! Exam time! (In other words - panicky
Listening to: Nothing! Are you crazy? I'm doing the net in secret
Thinking of: Hmm... let's see. There's the exams, then there's the exams and then... oh yeah! The exams!
Wishing for: Yes... this is very obvious. NO EXAMS!!

Yes, yes I know... I haven't been posting in this blog for a really, really long time but its not really my fault. Okay, maybe it is... but since I rejoined HOW, I've been so busy, I haven't given any time at all to my blog. I agree that this was totally dumb coz' I actually really like this blog but you know me... dumb to the core. I mean I never really knew how much I really loved these guys... by love, I mean the friendly love so don't get any ideas. ^_^ But seriously... I guess what either Beth or Kas said really made sense... acout it being easier for us to open up to strangers for the very reason that we don't know them and they don't know us. It might strike some people as dumb getting so attached to people on the Net but you can't help it. You can never be really upfront and open with your friends but you can with strangers coz' they can't really harm you with that knowledge. You don't feel insecure with them because well... you're never really going to meet them in real life and if you do, you're just going to lose a really good friend. Its scary when a person who knows you too well meets you face to face because then you feel totally naked in front of that person and that's when you get uncomfortable. Its funny how writing out all this makes it clearer in my head which is really messed up.

Am I obnoxious and pretentious? I don't think so right? Well okay then. No one really called me that but I was just generally wondering. Its true I find it difficult to get along with people I've just met but its not really because I'm obnoxious, just slightly shy I guess. Heh heh... some people should laugh. I'm not really classified as shy generally. You know, its been a month since I've written here and that sucks. I feel really guilty because I'd decided to make a pretty big thing of this blog when I'd started it. I hate writing so I thought this would be the best journal I could ever have. But then there are certain restrictions too. Like if I write, I can do that anytime but its a LONG process... logging in to the computer, then not realy stopping at posting an entry in the blog... going on to the RPG. Stuff like that. Well, its obvious I won't be online for a long time now... about two weeks till the darn exams end. This time, I shouldn't do badly because I think I've studied to a reasonable extent... I mean at least more than I USUALLY study. I started studying a week before the exams when usually I just started studying the day before. ^_^ So I should do well right? Of course! *sighs* You know its easier to write stuff like that... harder to feel it.

Its my mom's birthday today and she surprised me. Actually, not really because we've been more ncier around each other lately. We talk without really screaming at each other after 5 minutes and she really is a pretty good person to know. ^_^ Funny I should realize that now. I haven't got her a present yet. *hyperactive beep* I didn't really forget... its more like I didn't really remember. There's a difference. Anyways, there's this entire week. And its better if she chooses her present you know... WAY better. I'll probably write her something today night because my drawing skills suck and I'd just end up making a mess out of a card. Oh and its not going to be one of those stupid sappy poems... I hate that stuff. ^.^

PLUS, Kayleena is starting to piss me off. We haven't really talked but its more like she's another Aaron Silverfart... to a lesser degree of course. There's this big issue going on about ice being an element and she is WRONG! I mean she could say ice is an element and not water... but definitely not both! Well, I'm going to think about it today... make a list of all the things that could be elements by her philosophy and then throw them at her when I go back next to next Friday... if the class is still going on. *sigh* I'm going to miss the RPG these two weeks... more than anything else. Okay, got to go study now. I'm going to completely FINISH Physics. should be smple. *double sigh* I HATE EXAMS!!